wat bout pragnant strippers??
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
