I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
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