He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
