she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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