Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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