Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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