i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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