Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
