So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
