Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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