if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
there is another microwave in the elevator.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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