She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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