It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
