I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
