Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
