hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just invented taco cereal.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
