I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
