you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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