Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
