tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
