She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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