Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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