I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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