I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
