I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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