I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
