I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
