I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
