yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
