and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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