we should wear snuggies to the strip club
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
