so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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