According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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