Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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