my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
