see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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