I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
