I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I look excited, but its just a facade.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
