For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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