just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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