So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
