you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
