I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
