I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
