So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
