I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
