I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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