the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
