Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
the day after is always just damage control
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
