party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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