So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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